2nd Raj

It is 2497 CE (the era formerly known as AD) and the Second Indo-British Raj holds sway over 87% of the local Supercluster of Galaxies and has controlling interests in the remaining 14.5% (the 1.5% overlap being those systems currently in transition from absolute to majority control, vice verse and those where the situation is such that god-only knows and mentioning him/her/it usually gets you killed in at least 13 unluckily unpleasant but fascinatingly interesting ways.  While the number of intelligent or intelligent-congruent species is variously estimated at a low of 75,000. The upper limit is as meaningless as ridiculous. PaddyBrook's Playfair (ha) betting syndicates offer even money at 2.6m on the basis of counting only the dominant species in a single solar system or 7.8m counting all intelligent-congruent species.   In reality only three species count the indo-british races of the three species from the almost mythical "earth" (there being about 4,500 such planets according to the 4,537,279,865,219th revision of the 938th Edition of UniverseNet IndoBritiannica Waki - so called because it bludgeons users senseless with fact).  The original o-Mens, their genetically but not behaviourally improved and would-be successors i-Mens and the machine species resulting from the uploading of Wikepedia's Jimmy the Whale to its host hardware - the frighteningly intelligent silico-blubber e-Mens.

Why? Inter-stellar travel firstly which comes in three and only three speeds - instant which requires i-Men participation albeit most often unconsciously, slow (often longer than 100 seconds) on the hyperspace gliders of the e-Mens and finally the snail on mogadon sub-light Photon-bothers invented by all of the other species at least twice each.  In the first two cases the utility of the method justifies the claim to top-species status whereas the third is the method by which o-Mens have spread ratlike to every corner of the explored universe where survival is possible.  This universality gives them top-nuisance rating at the very least.  The other 74,997 to 7.8m species have neither technological or nuisance value so tend to be ignored and much to their satisfaction not get killed as a result.   On a marginally interesting note a slightly less inaccurate figure for non-Mens species is often said to be 3,657,389 which is the number of chinese o-Men dishes where the risk stomach upset by way of losing a verbal argument with your dinner exists.  It is said there is nothing unpleasant and disagreeable in the universe that a female chinese o-Mens cannot make edible provided they have an opportunity to talk it into the recipe.

The other races of oie-Mens of course exist in vast numbers but are largely unimportant due to the surprising regularity with which appearances of Indo-British Soul-Crusher Warships coincide with any attempt at assertion by French, German, IBM, Sufi-buddhist and other races.  Mega-deaths of non Indo-British oie-Mens usually ensue while local Indo-British diplomats express solemn regret at the accidental use of live-worm soul-crushers rather than the dead training variety.   Souls of course don't exist and the informal but universal nickname of the warships is said to derive from the fact that anything whacked by one is squashed into pieces so small even the merest hint of a soul couldn't hide in what was left.   That is except to the loosely anchored in reality pan-Mens religious sect the a-Mens with their semi divines Dougie Adams (an author whatever one of those is) and Steve (Big Jobs) Shit inventor of sundry gadgets all said to be as useful as a handful of soft but awfully smelly shit at a cocktail party. Their central myth is the universe will end when they ask the correct question whose answer is 42 and that god is a mouse (or some other species best served with rose wine and a dandelion sauce) yet to be born. Many adherents are chinese which explains why 94.6% of their holy literature consists of the 398,461 sauces with which to serve the 3,657,389 known edible intelligent-congruent species and suggested pre-cooking conversation topics.

In the catalog of Mens two remain the entirely mythical y-Mens and the slightly embarrassing "oops that was a naughty nuclear sneeze" pak-Men.  The latter were a quasi-religious sub-caste of the Indo branch of the Raj who got a little too irritating for their own good and so by sealed the Indo-British marriage in a mutual nuclear sneeze that was entirely accidental but conveniently located.  While not existing the y-Mens have resulted in the annihilation of 47 non-Mens species for asking either the i-Mens or e-Mens the embarrassing why Mens do you need the o-Mens ... a question that provokes blind genocidal fury in either species for reasons that will in due course be explained.  Oh an finally the u-Mens which is universally acknowledged as an infantile misspelling of the glorious o-Mens ... and we all want to ignore the monthly red-rag to the fat (only water retention!) cow pre-Mens (argh .... put the knife down nice lady).

More anon off to squeeze out a log then wipe the grease with the euro (wipe the shit off one's arse with toilet tissue)

Real NHS - the health service of the (near) Future.

Real care free at the point of need for everyone.  Now covering an extended before the cradle and beyond the grave period.   No longer will you be forced to pay taxes to fund unnecessary and wasteful treatments for people you never knew and would never want to know.  Real care for your loved ones and family funded by the new Real NHS helping you realise your hidden health assets.  Health Improvement Orders that ensure wealth is directed to your care through companies that create wealth for those who want to help in this bold venture.

Real NHS - Real Care for Real People - Taking your hidden health assets to benefit you and those who want to help you in the Real NHS.

No longer will treatment be restricted by cost - everyone will get any treatment until resources are utterly exhausted.

At the first sign of need for Real Care our expert lawyers will obtain a Health Improvement Order for you to ensure our accountants can direct the maximum resources to your Real Care as quickly as possible identifying within minutes the transplantable organs and other meterials that will contribute to your care.  Our surgeons can then ensure that these are used as soon as possible and in the most efficient mannner possible.  Typically all your monetizable non-essential organs and materials will be converted into funding within two hours of your admission and thereafter a steady flow of your own less non-essentials and the non-essentials of your immediate relatives will be realised as your treatment progresses you will never be asked to make emotionally loaded decisions as to who and what contributes to your care and you will be comforted by the knowledge that only your relatives (and, optionally if you have a FriendCare Circle, your friends) fund your care.  Real Care means you will never be a burden on strangers - before that awful possibility you will be safe in the hands of your relatives in a Real NHS FinalCare commerative urn (at a modest cost of one kidney  or 3/4 liver of any adult relative under 50 - or a similarly qualified member of your FriendCare circle)

In the unlikely event of the FinalCare fee being unpaid within one week of our accountants certifying negative cost/benefit assesment your un-monetizable remains will make a valuable contribution to AnimalCare nutrition packs that are manufactured by commerical partners of Real NHS.

In addition Real NHS provides many avenues for the unwaged and others of low income to realise previously unaccessable resources to extend their benefits shoud they find those provides by the state These are typically at starvation double minus in covered outdoor group sleeping facilities for the newly unwaged - 800 calories per day for three months designed to correct the tendency to late onset diabetes typical seen in those with fuller nutrition, thereafter at OutcomeWatch 500 calories per day  with uncovered outdoor group sleeping facilies with full protection from attempted cannibalism from fellow unwaged - this often speeds a Real Care FinalCare or Animal Care option via our commerical partners. 

A full harvest of non-essential organs and other materials in a healthy adult aged 20 to 30 can in favourable circumstances provide upto 3 years deluxe benefits - giving a generous !,500 calorie diet in an individual sleeping area indoors. Further enhancements to benefits are available to adults aged 18 and over who volunteer in Real NHS sexual care clinics where suffers from excess wealth are encouraged to participate in (mainly sadistic) sexual therapy with volunteers - note volunteering is one time option and status as a sexual therapist volunteer ceases only on a Real NHS FinalCare or AnimalCare event.  Such events may be imposed by patients undergoing wealth eradication treatments and are an approved exemption from Human Rights..

Carte Blanche

This lump of shite claims to be the latest Bond novel.  Aside from having all the literary style of the Daily Sport the research is dire - handgun ammunition still contains gunpowder and the Yorkshire-Bradford University (what?) is based in York ... Don't waste your money.

The smell from Murdoch

The on going News of the World scandal is a huge mess and rightly looked on as an example of the abysmal standards in parts of British journalism, what is being largely ignored is the evidence it also provides of the almost universal criminal conduct of the police. Obviously you have the payments to police for information but what seems to have been glossed over is that all the private detectives used by the journalists were ex police.

It is always better to speak from personal experience and as it so happens I have some such coincidently also involving papers from the Murdoch stable. Those of you old enough and based in the UK will remember the Hillsborough football disaster and the Sun newspaper's loss of readership in Liverpool that arose when it carried a front page accusation that Liverpool fans had urinated on their dead fellow supporters and stolen valuables from the dead and injured. There was a public enquiry into the police conduct and the police employed solicitors the assist in their presentation of evidence to that enquiry. Years later there was also an enquiry into the first enquiry. I happened to review the solicitor's files. Shortly after the disaster senior officiers in South Yorkshire police received reports of canteen boasts being made by some officiers of items they had acquired from the dead and injured. Somewhere within SYP a decision was made that something should be done to preempt any difficult questions that might arise - this was done by leaking to journalists the completely untrue allegations that other fans had been seen by police stealing from the dead and injured. The theory been that victims of the thefts would be less likley to make official complaints if they thought this would blacken the reputations of Liverpool fans in general. On the advise of the solicitor the statements regarding canteen boasts weren't even presented to the enquiry (the grounds being that they were hearsay and would thus be inadmissable in a criminal court case). Other statements that contained more helpful (to the theory the police were responsible for the deaths) evidence were shown to the enquiry but only after heavy editing to remove any comments regarding the conduct of the police. When the second enquiry came along there was a frenzy of shredding at the solicitors - only items that were actually presented to the first enquiry were retained on the basis that the only remit of the second enquiry was to look at distortions in the evidence actually presented to the first and that showing them evidence that hadn't even been seen by the first would only confuse matters.

Sadly the Sun reported the lies of the police and angered the population of Liverpool and badly damaged it's reputation. The policeman most involved? Well his save of SYP (who from the evidence I saw on their own solicitor's file before much was shredded before the second enquiry) helped his career greatly and he duly became Chief Constable of Merseyside (a real slap in the face the the city) and made a little speech about his inolvement in the events at Hillsborough that was interesting given what I knew. This fine upstanding man took the usual route for senior officiers of retiring on full pension to work in one of the civilianised bodies supporting the police on a fully salary. In a little twist he was so hopeless at organising police training the government ended his appointment early by merging the body with another and making clear he could not apply for a job in the new body. Somehow the idiots on the West Yorkshire Police Committee decided he should be appointed Chief Constable of West Yorkshire where he fraudulently continued to claim his pension from Merseyside - oddly when this was spotted it was all resolved without him being arrested for the fraud he had committed.

The solicitors? Well they, Hammonds, did less well and had to be rescued from near bankrupcy by an American firm. Interestingly Hammonds were oddly treated very kindly by the police enquiry into the Hinchcliffe fraud - especially when one of the crimes Hinchcliffe was convicted of was backdating authority foor transfers of money between companies. These authorities were forced upon him by Hammonds who had been told that they had to pay back to subsidiaries of Hinchcliffe's (and hence to people he had defrauded) and recover that money from his holding company - instead they twisted his arm into signing the authorities they should have had in place before paying money out from subsidiaries to by him a yellow ferrari and many similar goodies to the tune of a few tens of millions. They are also been treated with similar leniency regarding their defrauding of clients, creditors, employees and banks in relation to their bulk conveyancing offshoot which went tits-up to the tune of ten million early in 2009.

So to cover up the average cops unofficial bonus scheme of nicking valuables from suspects, accident victims etc the police in the guise of the Chief Constable of West Yorkshire lie to and mislead two enquries, shred inconvenient evidence and allow both dear old Norman (who incidently claims to be Oxford educated when infact his first degree was from some sheffield polytechnic) get away with fraudulently claiming a police pension while working as a police officer and cover up the inolvement of their solicitors in multi-million pound frauds.

While the smell from the News of the World is bad we should not lose sight of where it really comes from - our institutionally criminal and corrupt police forces compared with which journalists smell of roses.

Removed Comments

Any comments longer than my original blog post will probably get removed as fatuous waffle.  Especially if they are of the "I'm impotent (crushed balls innit) so could you shag my girlfriend so I can watch type that some idiot psts"

My inner book is about to hatch

Well it seems that way in that I keep fiddling with the Timeline and adding to the plot nuggets and character pile for the provisionally titled "Commonwealth of the Second Raj" .... a future history featuring the grossly obese post-sentient devolved Homo Yankicunti as the succulent but vaguely cannibalistic signature dish of the multi-stellar Britannia Balti Burger franchise ("the uberburger americans die for"

Lying Politicians - No.1 the chancellor ... slimeball Osbourne

Now this greasy etonian oik will have you believe that the basic rate of tax is 20% (that sounds lowish and reasonable yes?) And the top rate 50% (two and a half times the basic so a reasonable premium for his fat bastard friends it seems).

However he lies, just suppose someone pays your employer £100 - the first slice from that is VAT 20% leaving £83.33, next e'ers NI at 13.8% which leaves your employer £73.23 to pass to you. If you are a basic rate tax payer then you have to pay tax at 20% and NI at 12% which leaves you £49.80 which equates to a tax rate of 50.2% on the £100 originally paid. For a 40% tax payer the NI is 2% so he would be left with £42.50, ie a tax rate of 57.5%. One of his fat bastard friends on 50% tax again has NI of 2%, leaving him with £35.15 ie a tax rate of 64.85%.

So instead of 20, 40 and 50 which almost looks fair with a rich swine paying 2.5 times a pauper the reality is 50.2, 57.5 and 64.85 with a well heeled old etonian paying just 29% more than a busker on the underground.

It's obviously unfair that people being paid less than enough to live on should get less than 50% of the amount paid for their work, 80% would be fairer and if that means the middle classes and conservative fat cats have to get less so be it.

Sadly until the downtrodden start decorating lampposts with politicians this won't happen so go grab some hemp and let's party. Baggsie a tory for my contribution.

Another way to look at it is to realise how much more employment there would be if employers didn't have to pay twice for each employee, once a barely adequate wage to the employee and then the same again to the government to spend on whatever damn fool project Micheal Gove comes up with to pay religious nutters to indoctrinate children in his so called free schools or to Seb Coe to waste on an Olypmics where only Sepp Blatter can get tickets for the decent events (he gets them free, with luxury accommodation and transport by limo on roads closed to the public whereas we have to pay through the nose and are only allowed into the restricted view seats for sports we haven't even heard of).

Then again you have to despair at a population that suffers a tax rate in excess of 50% because they are more interested in who Ryan Giggs is shagging (anything with a pulse it seems) than who's royally fucking them.

Kicking off

Having been away from blogging for about a year now is the time to dip my toe in the murky stream of citizen journalism and general ranting once again. Recurrent themes will be the corruption pervading society steming from politics and professionalism and the naivety of the herd that permits this.