2nd Raj

It is 2497 CE (the era formerly known as AD) and the Second Indo-British Raj holds sway over 87% of the local Supercluster of Galaxies and has controlling interests in the remaining 14.5% (the 1.5% overlap being those systems currently in transition from absolute to majority control, vice verse and those where the situation is such that god-only knows and mentioning him/her/it usually gets you killed in at least 13 unluckily unpleasant but fascinatingly interesting ways.  While the number of intelligent or intelligent-congruent species is variously estimated at a low of 75,000. The upper limit is as meaningless as ridiculous. PaddyBrook's Playfair (ha) betting syndicates offer even money at 2.6m on the basis of counting only the dominant species in a single solar system or 7.8m counting all intelligent-congruent species.   In reality only three species count the indo-british races of the three species from the almost mythical "earth" (there being about 4,500 such planets according to the 4,537,279,865,219th revision of the 938th Edition of UniverseNet IndoBritiannica Waki - so called because it bludgeons users senseless with fact).  The original o-Mens, their genetically but not behaviourally improved and would-be successors i-Mens and the machine species resulting from the uploading of Wikepedia's Jimmy the Whale to its host hardware - the frighteningly intelligent silico-blubber e-Mens.

Why? Inter-stellar travel firstly which comes in three and only three speeds - instant which requires i-Men participation albeit most often unconsciously, slow (often longer than 100 seconds) on the hyperspace gliders of the e-Mens and finally the snail on mogadon sub-light Photon-bothers invented by all of the other species at least twice each.  In the first two cases the utility of the method justifies the claim to top-species status whereas the third is the method by which o-Mens have spread ratlike to every corner of the explored universe where survival is possible.  This universality gives them top-nuisance rating at the very least.  The other 74,997 to 7.8m species have neither technological or nuisance value so tend to be ignored and much to their satisfaction not get killed as a result.   On a marginally interesting note a slightly less inaccurate figure for non-Mens species is often said to be 3,657,389 which is the number of chinese o-Men dishes where the risk stomach upset by way of losing a verbal argument with your dinner exists.  It is said there is nothing unpleasant and disagreeable in the universe that a female chinese o-Mens cannot make edible provided they have an opportunity to talk it into the recipe.

The other races of oie-Mens of course exist in vast numbers but are largely unimportant due to the surprising regularity with which appearances of Indo-British Soul-Crusher Warships coincide with any attempt at assertion by French, German, IBM, Sufi-buddhist and other races.  Mega-deaths of non Indo-British oie-Mens usually ensue while local Indo-British diplomats express solemn regret at the accidental use of live-worm soul-crushers rather than the dead training variety.   Souls of course don't exist and the informal but universal nickname of the warships is said to derive from the fact that anything whacked by one is squashed into pieces so small even the merest hint of a soul couldn't hide in what was left.   That is except to the loosely anchored in reality pan-Mens religious sect the a-Mens with their semi divines Dougie Adams (an author whatever one of those is) and Steve (Big Jobs) Shit inventor of sundry gadgets all said to be as useful as a handful of soft but awfully smelly shit at a cocktail party. Their central myth is the universe will end when they ask the correct question whose answer is 42 and that god is a mouse (or some other species best served with rose wine and a dandelion sauce) yet to be born. Many adherents are chinese which explains why 94.6% of their holy literature consists of the 398,461 sauces with which to serve the 3,657,389 known edible intelligent-congruent species and suggested pre-cooking conversation topics.

In the catalog of Mens two remain the entirely mythical y-Mens and the slightly embarrassing "oops that was a naughty nuclear sneeze" pak-Men.  The latter were a quasi-religious sub-caste of the Indo branch of the Raj who got a little too irritating for their own good and so by sealed the Indo-British marriage in a mutual nuclear sneeze that was entirely accidental but conveniently located.  While not existing the y-Mens have resulted in the annihilation of 47 non-Mens species for asking either the i-Mens or e-Mens the embarrassing why Mens do you need the o-Mens ... a question that provokes blind genocidal fury in either species for reasons that will in due course be explained.  Oh an finally the u-Mens which is universally acknowledged as an infantile misspelling of the glorious o-Mens ... and we all want to ignore the monthly red-rag to the fat (only water retention!) cow pre-Mens (argh .... put the knife down nice lady).

More anon off to squeeze out a log then wipe the grease with the euro (wipe the shit off one's arse with toilet tissue)

Real NHS - the health service of the (near) Future.

Real care free at the point of need for everyone.  Now covering an extended before the cradle and beyond the grave period.   No longer will you be forced to pay taxes to fund unnecessary and wasteful treatments for people you never knew and would never want to know.  Real care for your loved ones and family funded by the new Real NHS helping you realise your hidden health assets.  Health Improvement Orders that ensure wealth is directed to your care through companies that create wealth for those who want to help in this bold venture.

Real NHS - Real Care for Real People - Taking your hidden health assets to benefit you and those who want to help you in the Real NHS.

No longer will treatment be restricted by cost - everyone will get any treatment until resources are utterly exhausted.

At the first sign of need for Real Care our expert lawyers will obtain a Health Improvement Order for you to ensure our accountants can direct the maximum resources to your Real Care as quickly as possible identifying within minutes the transplantable organs and other meterials that will contribute to your care.  Our surgeons can then ensure that these are used as soon as possible and in the most efficient mannner possible.  Typically all your monetizable non-essential organs and materials will be converted into funding within two hours of your admission and thereafter a steady flow of your own less non-essentials and the non-essentials of your immediate relatives will be realised as your treatment progresses you will never be asked to make emotionally loaded decisions as to who and what contributes to your care and you will be comforted by the knowledge that only your relatives (and, optionally if you have a FriendCare Circle, your friends) fund your care.  Real Care means you will never be a burden on strangers - before that awful possibility you will be safe in the hands of your relatives in a Real NHS FinalCare commerative urn (at a modest cost of one kidney  or 3/4 liver of any adult relative under 50 - or a similarly qualified member of your FriendCare circle)

In the unlikely event of the FinalCare fee being unpaid within one week of our accountants certifying negative cost/benefit assesment your un-monetizable remains will make a valuable contribution to AnimalCare nutrition packs that are manufactured by commerical partners of Real NHS.

In addition Real NHS provides many avenues for the unwaged and others of low income to realise previously unaccessable resources to extend their benefits shoud they find those provides by the state These are typically at starvation double minus in covered outdoor group sleeping facilities for the newly unwaged - 800 calories per day for three months designed to correct the tendency to late onset diabetes typical seen in those with fuller nutrition, thereafter at OutcomeWatch 500 calories per day  with uncovered outdoor group sleeping facilies with full protection from attempted cannibalism from fellow unwaged - this often speeds a Real Care FinalCare or Animal Care option via our commerical partners. 

A full harvest of non-essential organs and other materials in a healthy adult aged 20 to 30 can in favourable circumstances provide upto 3 years deluxe benefits - giving a generous !,500 calorie diet in an individual sleeping area indoors. Further enhancements to benefits are available to adults aged 18 and over who volunteer in Real NHS sexual care clinics where suffers from excess wealth are encouraged to participate in (mainly sadistic) sexual therapy with volunteers - note volunteering is one time option and status as a sexual therapist volunteer ceases only on a Real NHS FinalCare or AnimalCare event.  Such events may be imposed by patients undergoing wealth eradication treatments and are an approved exemption from Human Rights..